The small favors
by Syntia13
Summary: BW Megatron was having a bad day... But Optimus's day isn't much better either!
1. Small favors

A/N: I make no profit, this fic may be considered a 'how not to do it' handbook for young parents, and it's supposed to be funny, so laugh. NOW!  
;-)

Oh, and there is no explanation why characters here are as they are. If you _really_ need one, just make it up.

**The small favors**

-

-

Megatron slumped on his throne, filling it with a liquid-like quality usually reserved for cats. He resembled a chewed on octopus at the moment. He leaned over and stared at the ceiling.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts... Think something nice and easy, like overthrowing maximal government, maybe... Or conquering the universe...

Just as he started to relax, something resembling a double-barreled gun was pressed against his chin. He groaned.

"Who are you? No, never mind. You can shoot me if you like. I don't care. Noo. I'm too tired to care."

The possibly-double-barreled-gun was withdrawn.

"And what might have possibly exhaust you so, Megatron?" an awfully familiar voice asked. Megatron groaned again.

"What do you want, Primal?" he asked in exchange, not even bothering to open his optics.

"Excuse me if I'm wrong, but wasn't today _your_ turn to keep an eye on DepthCharge and Rampage?"

"It was and it is. They're locked in the lowest level."

"Not anymore"

Megatron suddenly sat bolt upright, optics wide in panic, and looked at the screen. It showed two cages hanging over the lava, battered and empty.

"Noo," he moaned. "They were there just a mega-cycle ago!"

"You didn't check on them for entire mega-cycle? What where you doing, catching up on your beauty sleep?"

"Try for yourself to control six little kids with only Scorponok to help!"

"I have four kids, two teenage femmes and Rattrap, thank you very much."

"That surely can't be-- TARANTULAS! GET DOWN FROM THERE!" Megatron suddenly bellowed and jumped to the air. Something resembling a ball of purple yarn giggled and scurried away along the ceiling. It disappeared in a crack just before Megatron's hand could grab it. The Predacon growled and landed.

"This kid gives me the creeps. I don't want to know what will grow out of him..."

His gaze fell on a cute ball of yellow fur toddling besides Optimus.

"Maybe you want to trade Cheetor for him?" he asked with sudden hope.

"Trust me, you don't want that. And may I remind you that you still have two troublemakers to find?"

Megatron groaned.

_Why did he have to remind me that?_

"Tell me you know where they are! Tell me they didn't go after the girls again!" he begged. The latter was a frightening thought. Not because of a moral aspect of what four teenagers could do together, but because it could result with... gulp... more children!

"Your concern is touching, Megatron. No, you won't have to unglue DC from Black or Rampage from Airy _again_.

"It wasn't my fault! It was _after_ midnight, and so it was _your_ shift!"

Optimus sighed and rolled his optics. "Whatever. They have found another entertainment-- Cheetor, don't touch that!"

Too late. Cheetah kitten had already tangled himself in a shiny, bluish spider web, and before any of two adults could react, the proud web's owner scurried over from the shadows, leapt, and...

"YEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

Megatron and Optimus tried futilely to shield their audios, while at the same time wrenching Tarantulas's fangs open to release Cheetor's tail. By the time they succeeded, it had swollen to the size of a small melon.

"Is this spider poisonous?!!"

"What did you say?"

"IS THIS SPIDER POISONOUS?"  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Primal gave up and concentrated on comforting the crying kitten, while Megatron was shaking and scolding the giggling madly tarantula.

After some time both sounds subsided. Megatron with a sigh dropped Tarantulas (he immediately disappeared inside the webbing), took a syringe out of subspace pocket and handed it to Optimus.

"What's this?"

"An antidote. That spider is poisonous." "Oh."

"So," Megatron said, watching as Maximal attempted to inject Cheetor. (Apparently, the cat had seen syringes before and didn't like the memory).

"You were saying that boy's have-- INFERNO, NO!" He lunged for the small ant-bot and grabbed him just in time to prevent him from falling into the lava pit.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STARING AT THE LAVA?!" he bellowed, holding Inferno high in the air. Inferno looked at him with big, soulful optics and his mouth shook.

"Oh no. Noo."

A drop of pearly oil flowed down the child's cheek, and he sniffed.

"No, no, don't cry..."

Despise the pleading, the ant-bot did just that. Megatron groaned and hugged him close. "Don't cry, I'm not mad at you, hush, you just scared me, it's OK..."

Optimus finally managed to administer antidote to Cheetor and suddenly realized that there was something missing. Didn't he come here with two kids?

"Rhinox?"

"What?"

Of course.

"Rhi, leave that computer alone."

"I'm playing"

"You play more than enough at home, leave it"

"I wanna play," a small bot gritted his teeth and frowned. Optimus hesitated. It was almost impossible to wrench the kid off the keyboard when he was in this mood...

"Let him," Megatron said tiredly, coming from behind, with Inferno clinging to his chestplate. The little ant wasn't crying anymore, but looked ready to continue the moment he got separated from his protector.

"You said that DC and Rampage--"

"Did not!"  
"Did too!"  
"Did not!"  
"Did too!"

Two small bots came in, pushing at each other. Megatron put a hand to his face.

"What is it this time?"

"He cheated!" a brown bot complained immediately.

"Did not!" a gold one immediately protested.  
"You did!"  
"I did not!"

Few more pushes, and they landed on the floor in a swirl of fists and shouting. Megatron tried to put Inferno down to attend to a new crisis, and the ant started sniffing again. Megatron hugged him hastily, and, having no hands to deal with the problem, he went for the volume again.

"NO FIGHTING IN THE CONTROL ROOM!" Two opponents separated and gaped up at him.

"Go outside! Din, no sharp tools. Quick, no poison or cheating. Go and play tag or something!" There was an edge in his voice, and the two disappeared as if by magic.

"But don't you dare to go further than the second lava circle!" Megatron called after them as an afterthought. "And I don't want to see any dents when you come back!" Those two never lost opportunity to wrestle, and he was getting sick of cleaning and welding scratches!

Megatron closed his optics and took a deep breath. Hopefully he gained entire five cycles free of interruptions...

Just in case he glanced at the screens. Thank the Primus, Terror and Waspi were still recharging after their sickness, Scorponok dozing by their beds. They'd somehow got into the pantry yesterday, and got hold of an entire bowl of energon candies. When their circuits started to overload... let's just say, the sight wasn't pretty. Megatron had only just finished cleaning, before Optimus dropped by. And that reminded him... He shut his optics again.

"DC and Rampage. Yess. What have they done this time?"

_Please, please tell me they just argued and beat each other unconscious, I can't deal with anything they did_ together!

"Well, nothing much, they just found one of Rattrap's high-grade energon stashes."

Megatron opened his optics abruptly. Deep inside them gleamed the madness.

"The rat has high-grades stashes?" he hissed.

"Sadly, yes. He has a distillatory hidden somewhere, but I can't find it despise my best efforts, and he refuses to destroy it himself. Anyway, our boys found one of his hideouts, raided it, emptied it, trashed it and set it on fire, I'm not quite sure in what order. Now they are laying at point 2-4-6/6-3-9, recharging. It is still _your_ shift, Megatron, so _you_ deal with it. I want them to be sober when you bring them to me tomorrow!"

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Megatron set the last of piece of equipment in place, and nodded, satisfied. Then he looked at two limp, tied down figures laying on the ground. They were starting to stir, and quiet moans told him that, indeed, they had been drinking too much and were now paying for it. But they would pay even more, oh yessss.

Megatron waited till teenage-bots woke up fully and then he pressed the switch.

DepthCharge and Rampage screeched as five spotlights flooded the clearing with merciless light, and a voice bellowed:

"WHAT DID YOU TWO THINK YOU WERE DOING?!!!"

After they struggled, moaned and yelped...

After they cursed Megatron's line down to the fifth generation...

After they begged him to stop the yelling...

After they sworn to never, ever, touch the high-grades again...

And never to even look at the femmes...

And never to break out when he locks them up...

And never even breath without his permission, only please, please stop...

...he finally turned off the lights, stopped the shouting and cut their bonds. When they managed to get up, mainly by clinging to each other, Megatron in very quiet and very calm voice asked them, was there any of the stuff left.

No, no, they swear, there was nothing left, what they didn't drunk they spilled, and what they didn't, they burned, but it was an accident, please, don't touch that switch, we're sorry...

And they wouldn't know where any other of rat's hideouts might be, would they... and that switch is _sooo_ faulty, it can turn with a mere stroke...

Quick exchange of looks.

Err, no? No, definitely no... no don't, there is one more, don't yell...

"So you know where one more of rat's stashes is," Megatron repeated quietly, putting his hands on the boys' necks.

They looked extremely worried.

"Yes," they whispered meekly.

Megatron closed his optics in a silent prayer.

_Lets praise the Primus for the small favors..._

"Good," he said. "Now you will show me exactly where."

-

THE END

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Time for reviews! Yes, that's YOU I'm talking to. :-) Review! Review now!


	2. Sense of humor

**A/N:** I blame this on Shadow Dragon04 and KaylaTheHedgehog. They wanted the silliness to be continued! Them! Not me! ;P

Disclaimer: Sadly, it appears even the idea of childerized Beast Warriors isn't mine...

**Sense of humor**

**-**

**-**

"Don't. Even. Think. About it."  
Megatron's voice was a pure menace, especially backed up by the whine of a charging tail weapon. Caught red-handed, DepthCharge and Rampage froze in the mid-act of tilting the spherical glass container over a big bowl full of chemicals.  
"Put. The tank. Down."  
They did. Optimus let out a breath he'd been holding. "One must admire the fact that they've gone through all the trouble to get seawater... with some sea creatures in it as well... just to create the Stink-Bomb-of-Doom."  
"Well, yess," Megatron said, shoving the bowl to a safe distance with his foot. "If you wish to keep them for today, to admire their determination properly..."  
"NO! That is, no. They are all yours. Off you go."

Optimus watched them go with no small amount of relief. Primus below, he'd swear he hadn't lost the boys from sight for more than a quarter. How had they managed to get to the ocean and back in such a short time?  
Shaking his head, he took the tank to his quarters. He left it on a table, securing it with few cleaning cloths when it threatened to topple over. The few unfortunate fish and a starfish would need liberating, but he didn't have time for it right now. Rattrap was missing. Cheetor was having an allergic reaction to some beetle he'd tried to eat, for which the insect stung him just behind the ear. The girls were surprisingly quiet and obedient of late, and so they were surely up to no good. Primus alone knew what other perils could lay ahead.  
Bracing himself for the worst, Optimus Primal, the captain of Axalon and the only _responsible_ adult Maximal on the planet, went to face another day.

In the corridor he caught up to the white tiger, whose slender trunk placed on seemingly oversized paws announced to the world 'growing-up-in-progress.' Optimus smiled. Thank the Primus for Tigatron. So mature and responsible, no troubles with him, except--  
Tigatron stopped suddenly and raised a paw to scratch his neck vigorously. Optimus groaned. "Oh, no, Tigatron, not _again_!"  
The cat span in place, looking up at him guiltily.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Where-- How-- no, never mind." Primal shook his head resignedly. "Just go straight to the bathroom. Oh, and take Cheetor with you!" The kitten loved splashing in the water, and it might help with the slight fever he still had.

The young bot obediently maximized and accepted the sleepy bundle of confined noise. Said bundle immediately stopped being sleepy - the fluffy head shot up, and the fuzzy muzzle opened, ready to release said noise. Then he registered who he was being transferred to, and meowed happily, nuzzling the white fur. Thank the Primus for Tigatron, the only babysitter Cheetor would accept.  
As the cats went to prove common believes wrong, Optimus steered toward the control room. He opened the door. He took half a step in. He recoiled with a strangled yell.

After a moment he dared to risk a second glance. The nightmare was still there. A technician's nightmare. Where the holo-table used to be, stood some kind of openwork contraption, entangled in an insane amount of cables. And somewhere in the middle of this surely was...  
"Rhinox?"  
"Yes?"

And that, the ape-bot thought vaguely, was why he was letting the kid to play computer so much - because when he was not happily destroying virtual civilizations, he would do something like this.

"Does the main power generator still work?" "Yes"  
"And the shields?" "Yes"  
"And we still have the radio communication?" "Yes"  
"And the surveillance system?" "Umm..."  
"Fix it." He didn't even bother asking what the purpose of the current experiment was - there usually was none - the kid simply enjoyed rewiring things. At least he usually knew how to put them back in shape when he got bored.

Circling around The Thing, Primal reached the radio, snatching a cube of energon on the way, and tried to call Rattrap. After a few failed tries, more than a tad irritated, he entered a code for a force-receive channel-- and jumped when he heard Blackarachnia's voice.

.:: --ot much choice, but what do you SEE in this guy::.  
.:: Well, he's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute... ::. (1)  
.:: Brute' I can agree on, but-- ::.

Optimus thumped his fist on the console. "GIRLS! This is an emergency line! Stop blocking it!" There was a double 'oops' and clicks. And he was wondering why they didn't protest against being given separate detentions (2). Silly him.  
The emergency signal finally lured the rat from his hideout, and Optimus ordered him back to Axalon, pretending he didn't hear anything suspicious in Rattraps voice. _He's of age_, he told himself, taking a sip of his honest, sensible, low-grade energon. _It's not my fault if he chooses to suffer hangover every second day_.

"Sir? May I ask a question?"  
Optimus looked down in a pair of serious, golden optics and smiled. "Of course you may. What is it?" "Sir, does Primus really have a sense of humor?"  
Oh-oh. Slippery road-surface ahead...  
"Why do you ask that?" he asked cautiously.

"Mr. Megatron said he didn't appreciated Primus's sense of humor when he was here today, sir, and I was wondering."  
Phew. Easy way out of this one.  
"You shouldn't really listen to anything '_Mr_.' Megatron says, Silverbolt, he says a lot of silly things. Now, why don't you go and keep Blackarachnia company?" With a happy "Yes sir!" the boy-bot bounced out of the control room. Optimus rolled his optics with a smile. Talk about puppy love... And he was using it shamelessly too - Silverbolt's presence should keep Black away from the communicator, and the kid would be happy to sit at her feet all day, thus taking two problems off his back. He would feel guilty about it, but he REALLY needed to have some work done - like trying to repair the ship's engines and making sure there was enough energon for the kids to drink, for example. Ah, the joys of parenting...  
"I'm never going to have kids of my own," he murmured to himself.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Some time later...

He should have known that leaving the base was a bad idea. He should by now know his charges well enough to know that Airazor and Blackarachnia would sneak away to gossip in peace as soon as he was out of sight. And he should know better than to leave anyone unsupervised while Sentinel was off-line, and he couldn't retrace the events by simply looking at the video footage. Instead, he had to resort to good, old-fashion, 'I-am-about-to-blow-tone-of voice' interrogation.

"Where. Is. Silverbolt."  
"I _told_ you, he should be here!" Blackarachnia looked around her room, as if doing it again could give different results that previous six times. "I promised him I'd take him to the lake if he waited here..." _And cover for me_, the trailed off sentence finished for her. _And I forgot all about it_, the guilty expression added. Behind them, there was a soft gasp. Optimus turned to Airazor, who had a hand raised to her mouth. "He wouldn't go there alone, would he? He can't even swim..."

Or fly too well, or fight, or even run fast enough to escape some of native predators. He was just a child! Optimus's imagination started running in hysterical circles. With some effort he decked it. _You have to set an example for the kids!_ _First find him, **then** you can panic!_  
"Search the ship - from top to bottom, turn it inside out, whatever. If he's still here, I want him found!"

For once, the teen-femmes obeyed immediately, without so much as a muttered complaint. They left the room, hurriedly negotiating the search-zones between themselves.  
Optimus, on his part, almost flew to the control room, unceremoniously jerking Rattrap from where he was helping Rhinox put the last of paneling back in place.  
"Silverbolt's missing. I think he might have tried to go to the lake on his own." He ignored the disbelieving snort from the rat-bot. "I need you to search the path to there. Inform me immediately if you find anything."  
"Anythin' like what?" Rattrap wanted to know.  
"Like Silverbolt. Or his traces." Optimus winced at the next thing he had to say. "And keep an optic on any sings of big predators around."  
Rattrap picked up a light tremor in his voice, and waved his hand unconcernedly. "Eh, don't worry, Big Banana, dat kid is to good to get eaten." Then he dodged and scampered away before Optimus could whack him on the head.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Predacons were having a day out - on a nice, flat plain, were the two adults could keep a watchful optics on the kids without chasing after them all the time. And as usual, the troubles in red and blue occurred almost as soon as they settled.  
Megatron frowned, scowled, charged his weapon and prepared to serve out some serious dressing down, when the resident pains-in-the-aft were suddenly snatched and carried away, with the fading accompaniment of Primal's voice: "I need to borrow the boys for a cycle!"

After a split nano of gaping after them, Megatron beamed. "But of course! Be my guest! Your welcome!" With a very satisfied sigh he sat in the camp-chair, gazed around to make sure his charges were near and under control, and then unsubspaced two slim glass tubes. "Scorponok," he said, handing the gray bot one of them, "I believe this calls for a toast, yess." He raised a stolen high-grade in the general direction Optimus had disappeared to. "To the Maximals!"

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Optimus stared at the stubborn teen-bots angrily. They stared right back, arms crossed defensively. The maximal captain had brought them to the lake, only to discover they were feeling uncooperative today.

"Are you crazy?" DepthCharge spat.  
"We're not going in there," spat Rampage.  
"No way in Pit."  
"It's a _fresh_ water."

Optimus ground his teeth. "I don't ask you to _live_ in this lake, just to search it!"

"Forget about it."  
"Not happening."  
"Besides," Rampage added almost as an afterthought, "we're the only transformers around." Then his optics gleamed. "Unless he drowned!" He brightened. "I call dibs on the body!"  
"SHUT UP!" DepthCharge bellowed before Optimus could react, and took a swing at his brother, but the crab-bot was already halfway to the lake, beastmoding as he went.  
"Come back here, you twisted freak!" the manta called after him, and pursued.

Hoping that the boys wouldn't find anything, (and wouldn't kill each other,) Optimus took off back to Axalon.

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Four hours, three dislocated fingers, two accidentally crashed monitors, and one minor nervous breakdown later, Optimus wasn't any nearer finding the missing puppy, but was heading fast toward depressed insanity. And his charges weren't helping.  
"I hate to bring this up," Airazor said cautiously, "but I haven't seen Cheetor and Tigatron today..."  
Optimus froze, and then rushed to the bathroom, which he had somehow managed to neglect in the ship-trashing search.

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"Eeeee!" A delighted cheetah kitten scrambled up a white&black mountain and slid down its other side, straight into shallow water. A flea-free, but rather tired looking young tiger lying next to a bathing pool jerked his head up when the door hissed open, and looked at Optimus hopefully.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Tigatron! Have you seen Silverbolt?" The feline shook his head, and Primal's spark sank again. "Can you take care of Cheetor a bit longer?" he asked pleadingly. With a soft sigh and a nod, Tigatron laid his head back on the floor. This was a really long day...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

...and it didn't look like it was going to end anytime soon. Optimus sat down on Blackarachnia's bed and stared numbly at the floor. After doing the mindless running around, he'd tried a deduction: were could a perfectly well behaved boy-bot go, after the person he admired asked him to stay put? The only plausible answer was that he would stay put, so, against all reason, Optimus went back to place the whole mess started, and, predictably, it was still empty. He had no idea what else he could do, thus he did nothing.  
/_sigh_/

Optimus froze. Where did the sigh come from?

/_mumble, mumble, sigh_/  
Very, very slowly, Optimus stood up.

/_sigh, yawn_/  
And very quickly fell to the floor, squinting at the dark space under the bed.

"SILVERBOLT!"

When Blackarachnia had left the small fuzor alone, he quickly got bored, and, being a well-bred young bot he was, he wouldn't even dream of going through lady's staff to ease the boredom, hence the only option was to go to sleep. And of course, taking lady's bed was out of the question too. So he crawled under it, curled his tail and wings around him, and slept, blissfully unaware of the commotion that ensued. Therefore, he was rather surprised when he was pulled from his shelter and found himself in the center of what seemed to be a whirling, hugging, petting storm, but he was not the one to question his luck, especially when Blackarachnia was one of the bots doing the hugging.

After a while Optimus fought his way out of this to collect already fast asleep Cheetor from relieved Tigatron. The trip to tiger's room and back only took few cycles, but the rest of kids managed to disappear anyway, and by the time he tracked them down, they drained half of the energon dispenser's container. He shot Rattrap a dark look (_why didn't you stop them?_), in response receiving a careless grin and a wave of hand (_ah, man, lighten up, will ya?_).

Oh well... why not? Everyone was where he could see them, he could use some energon too... But then he heard Airazor mentioning something about a stroboscope lights, and saw Rhinox looking speculatively and the lamps, while at the same time Rattrap started teasing Blackarachnia with some remarks of seafood lovers, and oh-NO-no-no, he'd had enough excitement for one day!  
"All right, everyone, party's over!"

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After herding the reluctant pack to their respective rooms, Optimus headed for his own quarters. Once there, he gently put a handful of sleeping kitten on his recharge berth, checked on the screens if anything was in order, and then allowed himself to sink into his armchair with a groan.

_Oh, Primus, please give me ten cycles of peace..._

His tired gaze brushed over the clock on a table. It showed **19:56**. In four cycles he'd have to get up and made sure the kids _did_ go to beds. He yawned, and his optics dimmed slightly.  
**19:57**

He'd get up in a moment.

**19:58**  
Though no-one would notice if he did his round a few minutes later, would they?  
**19:59**  
He gave up on trying to keep his optics on-line. He'd just take a little snooze, just for a few cycles...

**20:00**

Optimus happily drifted away to the land of cool drinks and professional baby-sitters.  
**20:01**

A ball of yellow fur on the bed uncurled into a yawning, lovely kitten.  
**20:02**

Cheetor clumsily raised a hind paw to scratch that itching spot behind the ear. Then he froze, paw in the air, as his eyes focused on a moving thing on the table.  
**20:03**  
_Thump_ went the floor when the kitten slumped off the bed. Normally, the fall would be enough reason to start crying, but Cheetor's processor had only enough RAM to concentrate on one thing at a time. And right now it was aimed at 'something-moving-and-new'.

**20:04**

There were few more thumps, when the kitten tripped over his own paws, but he went on determinately.  
Optimus sighed and shifted in his sleep.  
**20:05**  
A tip of his tongue sticking out in concentration, Cheetor climbed to his hind paws, the fore paws scratching the edge of the table. His small claws caught into something, and he pulled. The cloth yielded slowly. A big tank full of fish and seawater started to topple over.  
**20:06**

_CRASH  
__SPLASH  
_"YEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!"

Optimus almost jumped out of his metal.

In case you are still wondering: Yes, Primus _does_ have a sense of humor.

The End

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Thank you very much for reading, reviews highly appreciated!

Any PMs with ideas of more kids-related misfortunes will be welcomed too.

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**FOOT NOTES:**

(1) A cookie to everyone who's still young enough to recognize the quote. ;-)  
(2) Which he bestowed upon them after finding them engaging in a lip exercise with a certain pair of troublemakers few nights earlier.


End file.
